4 Pillars of Positive Co-Parenting

Let me start by saying positive co-parenting is all about you doing your part to positively co-parent. That doesn’t mean your co-parent will be doing the same thing. You are only in control of you.

There’s a lot that gets in the way of positive co-parenting, which is why I’d like to make it simple. Positive co-parenting on your end is possible simply by paying attention to these 4 pillars:

  1. Self Care. I realize that this doesn’t seem like an important topic when it comes to positive co-parenting, but hear me out here. If you are getting nastygrams from your co-parent, or your co-parent isn’t communicating with you at all, it’s frustrating! If you aren’t taking care of yourself, it’s a lot harder to deal with the frustrations that come. You’re more prone to lashing out in anger if you aren’t practicing self-care.

  2. Don’t Engage. You may want to get revenge. You may want to put your co-parent in their place. You may want to show them just how awful they are. When you choose to engage, you choose to end any chance at positive co-parenting. Again, you can’t control your co-parent, but you can control you and if YOU’RE working towards positive co-parenting, it gets you farther than if both of you are engaging. Learning to pick your battles and then communicating positively will get you farther than if both of you are communicating negatively.

  3. Flexibility and Boundaries. It doesn’t feel like these 2 go together, but let me explain. Even if you have the most robust court order there is, it will not cover every single situation. In all my years of reviewing court orders, I have yet to see one cover every possible situation. Even if the court order covers a situation, it may not be in your childrens best interest and flexibility is required. Being flexible is important for your children because their lives are not confined to a court order. With that said, creating boundaries can help ensure you and your children aren’t taken advantage of. Just be careful of boundaries just to make things harder for your co-parent.

  4. Accept differences. Mom’s house will be different from Dad’s house. Even in the best situation, Mom and Dad will handle things differently. In fact, this was the case when you two were together. Each of you handled things differently there and you’ll continue to handle things differently. In many cases, this is ok! Accept that your co-parent won’t do the same things you will and it’ll stress you out much less when you hear about it.

These are the 4 pillars I’ve come up with in working with hundreds of co-parents over the years. If you focus on these, it can reduce your stress, increase your confidence in your co-parenting, and reduce arguments.

Co-Parenting is hard. There's no getting around it. Sometimes its hard to know what you should do. The Co-Parenting After Divorce course can help you with that. It talks about each of these 4 pillars in more detail. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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How to decide what is in the "best interest of the kids"

The term “best interest of the kids” is thrown around a lot. The decisions you make are decisions you believe are in the best interests of your kids. Generally speaking, your co-parent believes they have the best interests of the kids in mind, too. The Courts will tell you that they are working in the kid’s best interests, too. So what exactly are the kid’s best interests?

In my experience, there’s more than one right answer to find what’s in the best interest of the kids. When negotiating to figure out what’s in your kid’s best interests, here are some tips:

  1. Think long term. Will this decision affect them for many years to come? If so, how do you imagine it will?

  2. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you be ok with the decision being made? How would you be affected by it?

  3. Kids need both of their parents, will this decision allow for both parents to be involved? (I understand that sometimes parents live in different states and that some parents simply aren’t involved in their children’s lives. Outside of those cases, when you have 2 parents who want to be involved in their kids lives, this is an important question.)

  4. Are you negotiating for your solution because it’s what’s best for the kids or because it’s what’s best for you? I realize this is a harsh question, but so many parents are worried about losing “their” time or “their” place that they don’t consider the big picture.

  5. Are your kids being negotiated as if they were property or as if they are real human beings? As my kids have gotten older, they’re able to say that when it comes to one-time changes in the schedule, they can feel like property when they hear negotiations. Most recently, my oldest daughter planned for a group project in school to be completed over her Dad’s weekend. She asked first to make sure it would work for him, he confirmed (more than once). Her Stepmom made plans taking them out of town a couple of days before the weekend and the group project plans couldn’t be changed. This meant my oldest daughter would either have to stay with me for the weekend, would have to fail the project and go with her Dad and Stepmom, or Dad and Stepmom would have to rearrange their plans so they could accommodate the school project. Dad and Stepmom fought to make my daughter go with them telling her that they didn’t want to miss out on “their time” with them and that failing the project wouldn’t be so bad. Dad and Stepmom used it as a negotiation tool to take vacation during a time that’s outside the court order. They told my daughter this. She felt like a piece of property. I would have, too. In the end, she stayed with me and I was willing to ensure that this happened regardless of whether or not they agreed. Their vacation? Co-parenting requires flexibility and I’m always happy to come up with solutions that work for everyone.

  6. Your child’s adolescence is a fraction of their life. The way you handle it will set the stage for your relationship with them later in life. Trust me on this. I’ve interviewed adult children of divorce. I have almost adult children of divorce. The flexibility you show, your willingness to work with your co-parent, and how often you put your kid’s needs ahead of “your time” is something they notice. It will impact your relationship with them as adults.

How do you decide what’s in the best interest of your kids? Comment below and let everyone know.

When you decide on what your children need, it's time to communicate that effectively. Get all the tips and tools to do that in the co-parenting after divorce videos. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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What I’ve learned on my personal co-parenting journey

I’ve been co-parenting with my ex for 10 years now. Actually, that’s not true, we were parallel parenting for many years only to move to co-parenting a few years ago. I’ve been a stepmom for 3 years now and while this is a controversial topic - I passionately believe that stepparents play a part in the co-parenting role either directly or indirectly (I’ll get to that later). In these years, I’ve learned A LOT and it’s part of the reason I do what I do. My counseling journey naturally took me to working with divorced families in part because of what I’ve learned personally.

When we started co-parenting, it was easy. We didn’t have a contentious divorce, in fact we didn’t use lawyers. I wrote our parenting plan, which is still in place today (though we’ve added to it as our girls have gotten older). We talked or texted almost daily to update each other on the kids and there were no hard feelings, until outside influences started to change my ex’s behavior. When he would vent to his friends (as he should), they began telling him to get back at me for asking for the divorce, take me to court for child support*, follow me or have me followed to see if I was dating anyone, and to take the kids during his time (which wasn’t what we had agreed on prior to our written parenting plan). That’s when co-parenting stopped and parallel parenting started. Every message I sent was met with hate. I’ve seen the messages you’ve received and I’ve received them, too. The first lesson I learned was that friends and family can have a bigger impact on co-parenting that you realize, but only if you let it.

My ex started dating earlier than I did, and that was fine. He didn’t bring the people he dated around our daughters until he had seen them for awhile, but what I learned when he did bring them around our daughters is that there is a sting when another woman comes into their lives. Don’t get me wrong, I want my daughters to have a healthy, happy relationship with their stepmom, but that doesn’t make it easier to know that they have a mom-type-figure when they’re not with me. That’s nature. Moms can be very territorial, the ducks and geese protecting their babies at the park every spring shows you that. The next lesson I learned is to be confident in the relationship my daughters and I have. They’re better for it and I am, too.

Finally, as we’ve transitioned from parallel parenting back to co-parenting, I believe it has something to do with my letting go of many (MANY) things that have been done to exclude me in my children’s lives. For example, my co-parent would take the kids to the doctor without telling me when they were going or even who they were going to. He even scheduled and took my daughter for mouth surgery without telling me. It wasn’t until my daughters told me this that I learned of it. You can imagine the anger I felt. Not only was he in contempt of our order, but he created a huge gap between him and his own daughters by purposely excluding their other parent. They were so upset over this. I could have taken him to court, according to some lawyers, I could have had some rights removed from him and given the extent, he could have spent time in jail for contempt. What I learned is that when anger guides decisions, the only people who get hurt are the kids. We went to mediation, the mediator spent quite a bit of time yelling at him, we came to an agreement and he still doesn’t follow it to the letter, but it’s better than it was. The people that won in this were the kids.

The journey hasn’t been easy, but as I near the end of a significant portion of it as my kids grow, I realize that their adolescence is such a small portion of their lives, but what we do shapes our relationship with them as they grow. What lessons have you learned as you’ve gone through your co-parenting journey?

I wish I had a video series like the Co-Parenting After Divorce series. I wish I knew I wasn't alone and I wish I had the tips and tools you can have by watching those videos. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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7 Things to Give Up to Positively Co-Parent

You’re all here because you WANT TO work with your co-parent. You want to get things done for your children. You know the kids benefit from both parents being a part of their lives. You also know that this means during your part in co-parenting. What does that mean? It means giving up a few things to ensure co-parenting goes smoothly - at least on your end.

  1. Competition. You need to know that your children don’t love one parent more than another - even if one of those parents has an Xbox.

  2. Being right. You’ve heard the phrase, “you can be happy or you can be right” and in positive co-parenting, that phrase sometimes rings true. Arguments cannot happen over every detail, pick your battles.

  3. Sticking to your Court Order exactly. There’s no perfect Court Order. You can put everything imaginable in it, but there will still be situations in which flexibility matters more than the Court Order.

  4. Big events. Speaking of Court Orders, generally speaking, you and your co-parent are splitting big days. This means that when your child graduates from preschool, they will go home with one of you vs. both of you. Birthdays happen on a different day every year, which means you may have your kids on their special day one year, but not the next.

  5. Control. Co-Parenting means both parents make decisions for their kids - all decisions. You may have the ability to make all the decisions on your own, and they may be good decisions, but it’s not just one parent’s choice.

  6. Pain from the divorce. As long as you are holding onto the anger and hurt that comes from the divorce, it will find it’s way into your co-parenting relationship. Not only does letting go of this pain give you a chance at a better, happier life, but it protects your co-parenting relationship.

  7. Waiting for apologies. Sometimes you need to be ok with the sorry you never get. A lot has happened to get you to this point. Some of you will get an apology, some of you will not. This doesn’t mean closure can’t happen. It just means you need to find closure outside of an apology.

What have you given up in order to be a positive co-parent? What do you need to give up, yet? What’s holding you back? Come and talk about it in the Facebook group or comment below.

Combine this with the tips and tools given to you in the co-parenting after divorce video and you'll be a positive co-parenting master- even if your ex is negative. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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Positive Co-Parenting Rules

I’m a rule follower. Ask my husband. It drives him insane! The truth is that I feel better when I know there are certain rules for me to follow. I don’t believe I’m alone in this, either. When I let go of all the anger that consumed me after my divorce and really committed myself to positive co-parenting, I found that putting together a list of rules for me to follow will help me stay on track - even when the track is filled with potholes (and it really, really is).  To be honest, in creating my list of rules, it actually helped really forgive myself for all the rule-breaking I did in the past, and helped me truly let go of the past since I was working on goals for the future. So, here you go, my list of rules for all you rule-following co-parents out there:

  1. Be honest. We’re a Christian family, so honesty matters in all situations in our house, but you and I both know that honesty doesn’t always come easy. When I say ‘be honest’, I don’t mean use this as an excuse to attack your co-parent because you’re “just being honest”. I mean, own up to the situations in which you weren’t or aren’t the best co-parent, own when you’ve done something wrong, and just be honest.

  2. Be kind. Yep. Just that simple. Even when all I want to do is go on the attack, I’m choosing kindness first. My words matter. They hold a lot of power. Once said, they cannot be unsaid. Be kind.

  3. Keep moving forward. There will always be hiccups along the way, but as long as the general direction is forward - we’re doing ok. All of our kids are going to grow and they’re going to grow up faster than any of us wants. Keep moving forward - focusing on THEM.

  4. Ask. There are so so many times when my kids and I want to make plans outside of the court order. Many times they tell me that “Dad’s just going to say no”, but if I don’t ask, the answer will always be no. We were able to negotiate vacation just a year ago because they asked, as well as changing weekends to align with my step-daughter’s weekends.

  5. Be happy over being right. Oh my goodness, if I had a dollar for every time I swear I was right, but didn’t engage… Do you feel the same way? Hindsight is 20/20, so I can look back and say this, I don’t need validation from anyone when I am right, so arguing in an effort to get that is a waste of time. As long as everything is moving forward, then it doesn’t really matter who’s right, does it?

Those are my basic co-parenting rules. What are yours? I’d love to hear what you think of this and what rules you’ll put in place to keep yourself in a positive co-parenting frame of mind. Comment below!

When you apply these rules to the other tips and tools given to you in the co-parenting after divorce, videos, you become the co-parenting master. Learn more by clicking on the button below. 

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10 Things to Reply With Instead of Saying What You REALLY Want

Picture this. An email or a text comes through from your co-parent. You open it. It’s yet another angry message blaming you for anything and everything. It’s unwarranted and makes you want to scream. Actually. It makes you want to write back pointing out every idiotic, ridiculous thing they’ve done as a way to tell them that they have no say in your life and they have no idea what’s going on.

But you can’t. You can’t because you’re the positive co-parent and you’re modeling better behavior than that. You know that if you stoop to that level, your relationship will stay at that level until one of you rises above it. So you don’t. Even though you REALLY want to.

If you’re in this situation and struggle with what to say, here is a list of 3 responses that stay positive and above board when your ex has given you nothing to go off of in communication:

  1. Thank you for the feedback.

  2. I appreciate your concern.

  3. Thank you for the reply.

Here’s a list of 7 more responses when you want to keep conversation open, but you sense anger and resentment on the other side:

  1. That’s a different way of looking at it, thank you for the perspective.

  2. Do you have any other thoughts regarding (any issue you are discussing)?

  3. Why do you feel that way?

  4. Do you think there are other ways of looking at this issue?

  5. Is it possible we’re both right here, we’re just seeing this from different sides?

  6. I want to understand more about what you’re saying, can you elaborate?

  7. I’m open to more conversation about this, it’s a touchy subject so I’d like to gather my thoughts and get back to you by (be sure to enter a date and stick to it).

These responses are all positive and ensure you’re not shutting down communication, but they need to be genuine. If you’re saying, “Thanks for the reply” in a completely sarcastic tone, it will absolutely shut down communication.

Your role is one of positivity and modeling mature conversation. Having an idea of what to say when tension happens can help prevent you from being reactive. These are just a few ideas. I’d love to hear yours. Do you have a go-to phrase to keep things positive when all you want is to say something negative? Comment below!

Oh if I had a list of the things I WANTED to say instead of what I DID say, it would not be for kid's eyes. It's normal to have the thoughts, but your goal is positive co-parenting. Get all of the effective communication tips and tools in the co-parenting after divorce videos. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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Boundaries and Co-Parenting

When you go through a divorce, you and your ex are no longer a “we”. You and the kids are a “we”. Your ex and the kids are a “we”, but you and your ex are no longer a “we”. Despite that, you’re raising kids together which means that your lives aren’t completely separate from each other. This is a giant grey area that needs to be talked about.

What boundaries are acceptable after a divorce?  

Before you can create your boundaries, you need to know who you’re dealing with. If your ex is the type of person who tries to work his or her way into your life constantly, your boundaries may be a little stiffer than if you have an ex who wants to have their own life separate from yours.

When creating boundaries, keep the kids the main focus. If you were the one that moved after a divorce and the kids want to show Mom or Dad their new room, that’s a great way to make the kid’s transition post-divorce easier. That doesn’t mean your ex is coming in for dinner and making him/herself at home. It simply means your kids want both parents involved in their life and their life now consists of 2 homes.

Be reasonable and flexible with your boundaries. If you’re not using a communication system with your ex, texting may not be enough. Some situations require a longer message and email is needed. If you’re absolutely not comfortable with your ex having your email address, set up an email address that you will use with your ex (it’s free and takes approximately 90 seconds).

Communicate your boundaries positively. There’s a difference between saying, “These are my boundaries and I expect you to stick with them” and saying, “In an effort to more positively co-parent, I’ve found that these best practices have worked with other co-parents, let me know your thoughts”. Which do you think your ex is more willing to be open to?

Finally, focus on you and your life with your children. Many co-parents are so focused on their ex that they miss out on time with their kids. Set boundaries for yourself! Notice your thoughts on a daily basis and if most of your thoughts revolve around your ex, then work to make some changes to that.

Overall, boundaries in life are a good thing if used well. In co-parenting, the boundaries you create can either open a positive working relationship or completely shut the other person down. Be realistic, positive, and open because even though it is your life and you are divorced from your ex - you are still raising kids together and that means they’re a part of your life forever.

Let me know your thoughts! What boundaries have worked with you? How do you follow through with them?

Yeah, boundaries are important. Communicating them effectively is also important. Get all of the tips and tools to communicate on EVERY issue with your co-parent in the co-parenting after divorce videos. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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6 Things Positive Co-Parents Do Differently

It doesn’t matter if your ex is a narcissist, if they refuse to communicate, or if they constantly attack you - what matters is you. Are you a positive co-parent? Are you modeling behavior you’d want your children to take on. If you’re reading this, it means you want to be a positive co-parent even when it’s difficult.

What do positive co-parents do differently?

  1. Positive co-parents manage the frustration they feel outside of communication with their ex. Notice that I did not say positive co-parents don’t have frustrating moments. All co-parents will have moments where they feel like they’re beating their heads against a wall. Positive co-parents handle it before communicating with their ex. They aren’t letting frustration fuel the communication.

  2. Positive co-parents do not engage in the angry cycle. I talk about the angry cycle in the co-parenting course. Positive co-parents recognize when it’s happening and jump off before they’re sucked in. They do not let attacks, lack of communication, or miscommunication suck them into a cycle that goes nowhere and accomplishes nothing.

  3. Positive co-parents are present with their children. Too many co-parents get caught up in worrying about, wondering about, or getting frustrated with what their co-parent is doing. I get it. It’s easy to do, especially when your children come home and tell you about it. Positive co-parents understand that every minute spent thinking about their ex is 60 seconds lost with their children. Positive co-parents can snap out of their own heads so they’re better able to focus on what’s most important - time with the kids.

  4. Positive co-parents model effective communication. Communication is the #1 most important tool in co-parenting. Positive co-parents balance respecting their co-parent’s boundaries with modeling positive communication as it should be.

  5. Positive co-parents give the benefit of the doubt. For many co-parents, even the positive co-parents, this is the hardest thing to do. These positive co-parents understand how harmful it is to the co-parenting relationship for one ex to assume the worst in the other (even if all signs point to the worst being factual). These positive co-parents refuse to assume the worst until they learn more and they communicate effectively to learn more.

  6. Positive co-parents forgive the past. Again, this is incredibly difficult. Positive co-parents understand that rehashing what’s already done will result in going nowhere. Positive co-parents understand that they may have to make peace even when there are no apologies. Positive co-parents understand that the future matters more than the past.

How did you stack up? Do you feel like you have been positively co-parenting or do you have some work to do? It doesn’t matter where you’ve been or where you are - all that matters is where you’re going. Each of these steps can help build a positive relationship, even when your ex doesn’t want one.

Comment below with any ways missed!

If you're like most co-parents, you could easily knock a couple of those items off of the list, but not all of them. If you have yet to forgive the past. If you have a hard time giving the benefit of the doubt because your ex is just that bad. If you try to communicate, but it's not going anywhere - there's a different way. The Co-Parenting Book is available for instant download and can give you all the tips and tools talked about in the course. Download it today. 

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Fixing Communication Issues

I’ve heard a lot of feedback about the talk on communication. Most agree that communication is the biggest issue they have with their ex. Whether it’s hostile, non-existent, or just plain never gets anywhere - communication is necessary and difficult.

You want to fix the problem, but how exactly do you figure out what the problem is?

In my experience, communication issues fall within 1 of 3 categories: someone feels unheard, someone feels like they have lost control, and/or someone feels as though they are attacked. Let’s dive into those issues in a little more detail.

Feeling Unheard

You probably have felt this at one point or another. You try to make a point, ask a question, or just send off a message and you either get a reply that’s completely off topic or no reply at all. All of the issues that you’ve tried to bring up in order to make things better for your children are ignored! Then what? How do you handle it when you feel completely unheard? Know that the way YOU handle it can either work towards a positive co-parenting relationship or put more division between the two of you.

If your ex is feeling unheard, he/she could respond in many different ways - likely none of which will feel like positive co-parenting. Ask yourself, how am I making my ex feel heard when he/she comes with a request? If you feel that you aren’t, now is your chance to change it.

Control

This is a big one, isn’t it? You feel like your ex constantly wants control, and in my experience, many ex’s feel that way. That means, statistically, your ex likely feels like you want control over everything, too.

Control is such a big part of co-parenting for so many reasons that would take too long to go into here. If you feel as though your ex wants constant control over you, there are ways to prevent it from taking over co-parenting.

  1. Know that no matter how hard they try, you and only you are in charge of what happens at your house.

  2. You are the only person who is in charge of your own thoughts, no one can control those unless you let them.

  3. Control is a word that has negative connotations. Rather than thinking of decision making as someone who takes control, decide that decision making is a joint process in which there is no tally as to who makes more decisions. It does not matter whose ideas were chosen. All that matters is that decisions are made in the best interests of the kids.

Ask yourself, what am I doing to ensure I don’t appear controlling when communicating with my ex?

Feeling Attacked

When you feel attacked, you will respond in at least 1 of 3 ways. You’ll either get defensive, you’ll go on the attack yourself, or you’ll simply shut down. Your ex will respond in the same ways. Every person will respond in at least 1 of those 3 ways. Here’s the secret.

You don’t have to actually be attacked in order to feel as though you are attacked.

Does that make sense? If your ex sends you a message saying he/she feels that your child is failing in a class and feels like it’s because they’re not working hard enough on homework - it’s not an attack. This is a non-emotional way to start a conversation to help your child. The problem is that you may feel it’s an attack on you as a parent and that your ex is saying you’re failing at making him do his homework. It’s not an attack, but it can feel like one. The same situation can be reversed and your ex may feel attacked by you when that wasn’t the point at all. Communication takes a turn because one or both of you feel attacked and respond based on it.

My recommendation is this. First, you cannot control whether or not your ex feels attacked by you, but you can control whether or not you attack them. You can also control your ability to recognize defensiveness, counterattacks, or removing themselves from the situation and address it positively. You can also choose the best option in the 3 when you feel attacked and remove yourself from the conversation long enough to gather yourself and respond thoughtfully.

Communication is necessary. Joint custody mandates communication between the parties. If these are the issues you’re dealing with, you cannot decide how your ex responds, but you can control your own communication. 

Broken communication affects you, it affects your kids, and it derails a chance at positive co-parenting. The Positive Co-Parenting Course gives you strategies for dealing with specific difficult personalities. It tells you exactly how to respond when those attacks come in. It gives you all the tools you need to take the co-parenting relationship forward instead of backwards. 

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Communication After Divorce - How to Communicate

Last week, I wrote about what to communicate about with your ex. You can read that here. This week, the focus is not on what to communicate about, but how to communicate, especially when your ex refuses to communicate with you.

First, decide on a method.

If you don’t know me, you wouldn’t know that I always recommend keeping communication in writing. That’s not to say that I think it should be silent during pick-ups and drop-offs or at kid’s events. It simply means that when it comes to decision-making for your children, keeping it in writing protects both of you. The downside of communicating in writing is there’s room for misinterpretation, but I discuss how to avoid this and how to overcome it in the Co-Parenting Course.

If you have an ex who refuses to put things in writing, it may be harder, but not impossible to overcome. In an effort to keep co-parenting moving forward, and to show your willingness to compromise; it may be ok to discuss these decisions in person or over the phone as long as you document it afterwards. Sending a text or an email letting the other person know that you simply want to recap your conversation keeps everything in writing. Let them know that this is what you got out of the conversation and would love to know if they are on the same page as you.

Filter out what’s not needed.

Once you’re communicating, hopefully in writing, you may get messages filled with attacks, accusations, and/or demands. At that point, it becomes your job to look for anything worth responding to. If you get a 2 page email and 1 ½ of those pages are attacks on you as a person and you as a parent, unless it has to do with the safety of your children, it’s not worth jumping into that cycle. Pull out what needs to be taken care of and let the rest go. Here’s an example of how this works:

You never do his homework. All you care about is having fun with him. You’ve never been responsible and you clearly never will be. I’m tired of having to clean up your messes. If you would just do his homework with him on your nights, his grades wouldn’t be what they are and we wouldn’t have to have another parent/teacher conference.

There’s a lot going on there. Hopefully this doesn’t look familiar to you, but if it does, it’s your job to find what’s worth responding to: grades. You then get to respond in a positive way rather than jumping into a cycle of attacking each other.

When it comes to YOUR communication:

  • Make it brief

  • Make it positive

  • Listen to their side (filtering out the negative)

  • Be willing to compromise

Timelines and making them work

There’s nothing more peaceful or more frustrating than silence from an ex. You do not need to contact or discuss everything with them, but there are times when you need an answer and may not be getting one. In these cases, you can still be positive and give a timeline. For example, if your child is asking to sign up for an extracurricular activity, but you’re dealing with an ex who refuses to reply to you, a message like:

“Hey, (child) wants to get signed up for soccer and I wasn’t sure if they talked to you about it. Here’s the link to the team info, everything you need to know is in there. I’m ok with (child) participating in this as long as grades stay up. Are you ok with participation? I know it may take time to go through the information, so I’ll give until (day) and if I don’t hear, I’ll assume you are on board with it. Thanks.”

Not only is this a positive message, but it ensures you’re not waiting for an answer from someone who does not always answer.

Communication is the toughest issue that co-parents deal with. Comment below with your communication issues.

Communication is the key to co-parenting. Get all of the tips and tools you need to communicate with your ex - even if they're negative. Click on the button below to learn more. 

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Kaern Becker, MA Life Coach