When my ex-husband and I were divorcing, we managed everything except child support without lawyers.  He asked for money many months after our divorce was final as a way to get back at me for asking for the divorce.  I mention this because it was the only time I've had a lawyer and because of something this lawyer said to me.  I'm convinced that the lawyer worked more on my emotional needs than the case itself.  One thing she said during one of our many conversations was that in divorce, if the parents haven't gotten to the point of getting along (which can take years for some and never for others), the children have been known to grow up faster than they would have or should.  This statement has stuck with me.  I never wanted my children to grow up faster than they should, but they have.  

That statement was my slap in the face.  Prior to us divorcing, we tried everything and one of those things we tried was counseling.  I loved seeing how our counselor worked.  It was about a year after counseling that this lawyer made the statement that changed our future and I decided that this was something I could do.  I could help other people who were going through the same thing.  I went back to school and studied Psychology and Counseling and here I am today. 

Divorce has a way of changing people.  I believe that in everyone's divorce, there was a slap in the face moment.  Not everyone's moment is the same nor is it as life-changing, but everyone has a moment.  Think about the moment you had and think about what it did to you.  Did it make you bitter or did it make you stronger?  Did it make you depressed or did it make you fight harder?  I think we have a choice with our moments.  We can choose to make this moment work for us or work against us. 

What was your moment?  What are you choosing to do with it?

Most people have a moment in which they realize this is their reality, it's time to move forward, it's time to make the best of the situation and rebuild their life. One of the ways you can rebuild is to know what type of co-parent you want to be. If your goal is positive co-parenting, even when your ex makes it difficult, click on the button below.

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Kaern Becker, MA Life Coach