Do you ever worry about other's judgments of you? Either as a parent or as a person? When you go through a divorce, what’s one of the first things you think of? Isn’t it something along the lines of, “What will everyone think?” Divorced or not, isn’t there a piece of all of us that worries just a little bit about what others think?

When your child is the one screaming in the toy aisle of Target, when your teenager dyes their hair purple (I've been there!), even as small as when your phone rings in the middle of a quiet room. Don’t you wonder, “What is everyone thinking?”

After a divorce, you have to tell your family and they may or may not approve. Word gets out at your job. Your friends see a status update on Facebook. Hopefully everyone in your life is supportive, but if you’re like most, there’s the question in the back of your mind, “What have they been thinking all along? Did they see this coming? Did I miss something?”

You may be asking, why does it matter if I care what others think of me? Why does it matter if I worry about the judgments of others?

In my practice, there’s one thing I’ve found. Those that are quick to judge what others (namely their ex) are doing are the ones that worry most about what others (again, usually their ex) think of them. These are the people that have a competition mindset in co-parenting.

To their credit, many times this is subconscious and it’s only after pointing it out do they realize it’s what’s been happening all along. These are the people that also want to change it immediately. You all know that competition doesn’t work in co-parenting, so then what?

It’s when parents have a solid grasp on where they’re going that they care less about what others are thinking. When parents are able to take ownership of their thoughts and feelings, they’re less likely to care what others think because they know it will not result in learning something they didn’t want to learn about themselves. When parents accept where their lives were yesterday, own where it is today, and build towards where it’s going tomorrow - the only time other’s opinions matter is when it’s someone they respect.

Wouldn’t it be great to never let an insult get to you? Wouldn’t it be freeing to just brush off jabs that may come from your ex? Wouldn’t it be liberating to know that your ex can no longer get to you? Wouldn't it be powerful to be confident in your parenting skills - so much so that no one can shake it?

That can all be yours. You just need to take the first step. Take ownership of where you’ve been, where you are, and where you’re going with this free training being released soon.

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Kaern Becker, MA Life Coach