Did you read last week's post on the random thoughts divorcee's have? The thoughts were all over the place, weren't they? If you're like most people, your thoughts have felt all over the place at one point or another in your life, too. When life hands you a major event, like a divorce, how to do you stay sane?

How do you go back to normal? 

After a major life event (again, like divorce), you don't go back to normal - you create a new normal. You find a rhythm that works for you and make that your normal. Divorce is always going to be part of your story. It will always be a chapter in your book, but it doesn't have to be the main story line - unless you want it to be.

Whether you know it or not, you are creating your new normal every day after a divorce.

Take a deep breath as you let that sink in. I've been there. You can barely put on matching shoes as you are headed through and even after a divorce, let alone create a sane normal life, am I right?  So how do you create a new normal while navigating the emotional roller coaster that is divorce? Here are my tips:

1. Start small. Take the pressure off of yourself. No one expects you to be mid-litigation in your divorce and have to pack in your training to climb Mt. Everest. Simply be aware of small habits your creating that can create a normal you don't want. Are you suddenly drinking a few glasses of wine every night after work to take the edge of? Do you eat fast food most meals of the week because you're only cooking for one now? Have you given up weekly gym sessions because it reminds you of time with your ex? Be aware of the fact that not participating creates a habit just as much as participating does. If you find yourself building a habit you wouldn't want to break - start small and make those changes on that particular habit only. When you have the energy, move onto more. 

2. Fake it till you make it. There's a whole lot of truth in that saying. Try this exercise. The next time you find yourself fuming at an email or text that comes from your ex or your lawyer, smile. You read that right. I want you to fake a smile. Hold that smile for 10 seconds. You'll literally feel your mood changing ever so slightly as you hold that smile. Fake the happiness if you have to. Fake a good mood. Eventually you'll realize you've stopped having to fake it and you'll be doing it out of habit. 

3. Take care of you. Throughout divorce and after divorce, there is so much attention on the kids - as there should be. Your kids need to see your love and need your attention and I don't want you to give that up, but on the days when your co-parent has your kids - take time for you. Draw a bath. Eat your favorite food. Put on a TV Show you never get to watch when the kids are there. Find something that gives you peace and serenity. Then make that a habit.

Normal is being created right now. When you take a step back and look at what your normal is - are you happy with it? If not, know that change is only a few habits away. If you're ready to start making a change, there are 2 workbooks ready to guide you through them - Emotional Freedom and Mindset. Click on the buttons below to download your copies and create the normal you want now.  

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Kaern Becker, MA Life Coach