It's a New Year. Many see this as a time to review, a time to make plans, and a fresh start. I agree! For years, I've made this a time to reflect and renew. The Type A part of my personality likes this to be neat and orderly so I can easily review later, so I start a list. OK, I start 3 lists. This year, I invite you to join me in this exercise.
First, start with the positive. What's working? You know there are things that work, so now is the time to list them. They say that life is categorical. This means that different parts of your life fit into different categories like: relationships, career, spirituality, health, financial, and fun (do not forget the fun!). Take a look at those categories to find things that are already working and take a minute to appreciate that.
Next it's time to look at what isn't working. Personally, I go through the same categories I started with and find what isn't working. Though I have an incredible relationship with all of the kids in our house (my biological children and my step-daughter), my husband, and my immediate family - a list of what's working, I still don't have the ideal relationship with my co-parent - something that isn't working. If this is your first year after your divorce, maybe it's health or career that you're still working on. Whatever you put in this list, it's ok, no one is perfect so don't worry about what's on the list. This is a time to be aware, not a time to get down on yourself.
The last list is the most important list. This is the list you have control over. I don't have the ideal relationship with my co-parent, but I am doing everything I can and that's all I have control over. What wasn't working for you? What do you have control over? If you don't have control over it, then it's time to put that aside for now and focus on what you can control. You can create a health practice to make sure you're focusing on you for awhile. You can increase spirituality in your life. You can make changes to propel you in your career. You cannot control other people or the past, so it's not worth spending time on it. Once you have your list of what you can control, it's time to decide what you're working on.
Where are you taking your next year? What's your focus going to be? In the next week or so, you'll have the chance to join me and others as we work on it together. Stay tuned.